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The Money Game

I print these rules here strictly as a reference guide for the uninformed. If you are currently or have previously been employed in any manner of retail or customer service industry you will, as a matter of training, know and understand these rules and, therefore, further elucidation is not required.

As a prerequisite to the proper execution of the game, each player must have an inherent understanding of their respective position. The player designated herein as Customer presumes that, without exclusion, the player herein designated as Clerk (who may also be identified variously, for males, as Chief, Big Guy, Hoss, Buddy, Pal or, for female players, Baby, Babe, Honey, Missy, Pretty Lady, Sweetie or any other monikers demonstrative of derogation) is considered to be less than human and clearly subservient to themselves in every aspect, for clearly they would not be in their current employ were this otherwise, as the only real people of worth and status who wear aprons are members of The Masonic Lodge. The player aforementioned as Clerk understands that, in the role of Butt Monkey, he/she accepts the condition that, in the eye of the Customer he/she is viewed as merely a lower primate capable of only the most rudimentary of tasks and must be condescended to at all times and regularly reminded of their limited status, thereby ensuring that the Customer feels superior.

The Game itself, deceptively complex as it initially seems, is played thus:

Customer, with intent to purchase item, takes said item to register area.

Clerk tells Customer how much said item will cost.

Customer removes form of payment (in this scenario either credit card or something called ‘cash’) and begins to hand it to Clerk.

Clerk reaches for form of payment.

Customer throws form of payment down seconds before Clerk can take it from them, forcing Clerk to pick it up, for they are not worth handing the form of payment to.

And then the cunning bit:

As Clerk picks up form of payment, Customer immediately extends their open palm in demand of instant remittance, preferably illustrating impatience and irritation at Clerk for not being adroit enough to have had remittance prepared ahead of time which is, clearly, why Clerk is just barely capable of keeping a tenuous grasp of his/her servile post. Evidently Clerk suffers from a lack of mental acuity and is on a work study programme.

This is widely known to be ‘Pee-Your-Pants Funny.’

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